reflection

I was almost done feeding Seth lunch this morning (he started eating food last week in case I forgot to mention that!) when I realized that I hadn't talked to him at all during that whole time! We usually have these wonderful conversations, mainly me talking and him squealing or laughing. Apparently he likes Hungarian better than English, so I can't understand him, or so that's what Nusi says. But anyway, I was in such deep thought that I didn't even realize that he had eaten almost the entire bowl in silence.

I have stated before how much I think about and through things, even way too much. I analyze and overanalyze. And today I have spent so much time just thinking and reflecting. It wasn't all deep or anything, but some of my thoughts were.

For instance, Seth and I walked to the store to pick up more fruits and vegetables for him, and most of the time while I was walking I thought about even though it was so hot, I was glad that I was getting out for a walk. And then I thought that I hope I continue to walk to these places even if/when we are able to get a car in the near future. I don't want to suddenly start driving to all of these close places just because we would have a car.

Other thoughts were much deeper. I thought a lot about how God has been working in me over my lifetime, but I was thinking more in particular about the last few years and how he had been preparing me for a cross-cultural move. Yes, I had wanted to move to Hungary for almost 9 years, but God had to teach me a lot in order for me to be ready, and to be honest, I still don't feel that I was totally ready. Can anyone ever be fully prepared for such a move? I believe that is why we need to trust the Lord's calling and his promise not to give us more than we can handle.

There are days that are really easy and days that are really frustrating. That is true of anyone living anywhere. I'm no different just because I live here. Things that are easy or difficult might have changed, but well, you get the point.

I was told that you live kind of like an "exaggerated" version of yourself when you first move overseas as you learn to cope with the millions of things going on around you that are new and that you just don't understand. I can say that I have definitely felt that way. I am still the same me but with just a little twist here and there. I realize certain personality traits of mine appear to be more intense here while yet others seem to be on the back burner.

I thought a lot about my people-pleasing personality. Yes, I know that pleasing people is not what I should strive to do. I really want to please Christ about all else, and yet it's hard to not want man's approval. God has been working on that part of me a lot. And I didn't exactly realize all of it until I had some time and distance to really reflect on it. I think part of that personality trait of mine is important in making people feel warm, welcomed, and loved. And part of that personality trait can be dangerous. I have really seen God work on that in me, and it has been so neat to reflect on his goodness to me by working in me a little bit at a time.

My heart has been heavy more than ever tonight as my friend Ryan, who I've mentioned before who has cystic fibrosis, is in need of a miracle. His health is failing, and he needs new lungs. I have asked before for prayer, and I ask again. Words cannot express what I want to communicate, but I serve a God who knows all of that. I ask that you pray for his wife Kristin and his two year old twins Lily and Wyatt. God tells us to ask, and so I am asking for a miracle.