The way I imagined having our first baby was nothing like I am experiencing. I am not complaining when I say this, just stating I guess what I would consider "the obvious." I mainly just feel like an idiot because I know absolutely nothing. I am constantly asked questions by people that I have no answer for. I have a book or two that I brought with me that I read every week to stay informed on what's going on. (Thanks Julia for the book!) I try not to read too much, though, because it can also just get you paranoid about every little thing, which is also not healthy. Kevin says women talk to much and read too much into things!
But I have learned a few new things in recent days that helps explain why I feel so clueless...
They pretty much dropped the ball with me. The midwife they had is no longer at my doctor's office, and they are in the process of finding a new one to replace her. So all of these mixed messages I have been getting between my doctor and the hospital is because they don't know what they're doing without having a midwife right now. And I have had no idea I was supposed to ask certain questions and whatnot because the whole process over here is just different. How can you know what to ask when this is your first time through and this info isn't in your American books?!
Praise the Lord for providing women (even registered nurses!) who are concerned for me and have heard of my experience. I have been approached by a few who heard that I hadn't had any contact with my midwife and that I technically didn't have one, which means I wasn't in the classes or learning the info I needed. They have all really stepped up and made phone calls to help figure things out for me because they have been so concerned. I have been most grateful.
I was reading in Psalms again today. God continually reminds me that my needs are being met, even when I may start to panic when the reality hits that I am due in two weeks. He knows what I need, and he provides for me. Yes, it may not be how/what I thought or anticipated, but I need to rest in his provision. And speaking of rest, that has been a great need of mine since I moved here, and God has provided me with wonderful rest in recent weeks. Everyone constantly asks how I am feeling, and I can truly say that I feel good because I have been able to actually rest at night! A huge need provided for.
And now I rest in this...
Psalm 34:8-10 "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him. Fear the LORD, you his saints, for those who fear him lack nothing. The lions may grow weak and hungry, but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing."