We were out late last night with Dustin and Kelly as we went out to dinner and a movie. Fun night! I got back to the family's house that we are currently house-sitting for and was exhausted, but I saw several interesting books on the night stand that I wanted to look through. First one I picked up: "Master Your Money" by Ron Blue. I am very familiar with this book and Christian author, yet I had never read it. So I skimmed through the entire book last night. I was up until the wee hours of the morning, but I learned so much!
I think one of the biggest things I have learned in our almost 4 short years of marriage is about trusting God with the finances. Kevin and I had an incredibly difficult first year, financially speaking. We each worked more than one job to try and make ends meet, and it was difficult and stressful month after month. We had a blast, even though we had to dig for change in the car seats and pockets to get enough to split a 99 cent junior hamburger from Wendy's one night. We were short $15.92 one month to pay the last of our bills, and that was with me teaching full time and Kevin working a couple of jobs as well. I remember just crying because I had never been in this situation and had no idea how we were going to work this out. Kevin was not worried and knew that God would provide for our needs. We didn't tell our families either, despite me wanting to ask my parents for $20, who would have gladly given it to us. Kevin said that we were both doing what we felt God had called us to do and that we now needed to trust that God would provide and meet our needs. Although I knew in my heart that God does meet our needs, it's hard to believe it when we were talking about money, not some emotional or spiritual need. There was a tangible thing that we needed, and how would he provide us with that?
The next morning there was $20 in my mailbox at school. From who? No clue. That happened for the next three weeks in a row.
So now I ask myself why I worry about the funds for Hungary... It again is my lack of faith that God can provide the tangible, not just the emotional and spiritual help we need. Ron Blue said in the book last night that God knows what our needs are and will provide for them. We human sinners try to turn our wants into needs, and God is aware of what are needs are and provides for those, not the wants. As I look back at how God has continually provided for our NEEDS, I question why I have such a hard time trusting him in fulfilling this need. I am always worried that I am not doing enough, that God isn't going to provide because I missed some step I was supposed to do along the way. Kevin corrects my thinking when I get this way, but I still struggle with it. I think this is because our financial needs to go to Hungary are bigger than anything I have ever imagined, and I really don't know how God can provide that large of a sum. Twenty bucks seems like nothing when we're talking thousands upon thousands of dollars! And yet God likes to do great things and receive much glory and praise for providing. Kevin just said it's a bigger way of proving just how great God really is. I truly believe, Lord. But help me in my unbelief.