I've written this post three different times, but it never came out right. I'm trying for a fourth time. :)
I have been learning a lot about how little I know. Of course that shouldn't come as a surprise, but after feeling like I was spending quite a bit of time complaining to the Lord about life not going the way I thought it should and then feeling guilty for talking to the Creator of the universe in that way...and wrestling with the desires of my heart and the Lord's will...and being caught up in the emotions of feeling guilty for complaining to the Lord about these things...and then feeling a literal wave of peace wash over me (most incredibly feeling of the manifestation of God!) and being overwhelmed with Christ's love for me...that he CHOSE me before the beginning of time... Well, I have just been learning a lot.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6 have been my life verses. I never sat down and decided these would be my life verses, but they just became the mantra of my days.
But in recent weeks, the Lord has been getting a hold of my attention with the phrase "lean not on your own understanding." I like to think that my plan is best, and while I believe that God's plan is better, I don't always live my life in a way that communicates that. Those who know me know that I like to have a plan and know what step comes next, and the Lord seems to keep teaching me over and over again that my plan is not his.
I am preparing for co-leading a Bible Study to start later this month in the book of Ephesians, and I am loving reading and listening to John MacArthur and John Piper. This whole "co-lead a Bible study" is completely out of my comfort zone and something that I feel totally inadequate to do, but I was asked to pray about it last spring and really felt like this is what the Lord wanted me to do, even if it wasn't in MY plan to do this. (I mean part of my hesitation is that it is for women. I don't even feel adequate to lead a study for students where I at least have more life experience than them or something, but this is with peers. Anyway, you can be praying about that for me.)
Back to what I wanted to say. I can't help but read Ephesians and feel like a million bucks, you know, learning just how much God loves me since before there was time. And that everything was created to bring glory to him. Everything we do should bring glory to him. The whole purpose is HIM. I was convicted about stupid little things I do and have been challenged to think if I am doing this thing for HIM. Are MY plans about HIM? Surely his plans are. :)
So as I go about my day, I am trying to consciously "lean not on my own understanding" and trusting in the Lord's plan, all while trying to do my day-to-day life in a way that would glorify him. And I sure am glad and super grateful for Christ's grace as I make mistake after mistake, so glad that his "mercies are new every morning." One day at a time, one decision at a time, one moment at a time.