believe and not doubt

My days seem to fluctuate between being completely overwhelmed and stressed about making a decision on what we do after this school year finishes...and being at peace, knowing that the Lord will be with us wherever we go and will provide for us.

I had written a long rambling post that I never posted two weeks ago. I knew I had to let it sit, but I also knew I had to get everything out...at least for myself. And I have to say, it was pretty negative.

Everything I was reading or hearing seemed to say the same thing, that there is a cost to following Christ, that it's not easy. True. But I was feeling hopeless. And discouraged, not choosing to remember the rest of it. I felt like no matter what decision we make that it will just be terribly difficult. But we have to make one. Stay or go?

I know that's wrong. I know that Christ did not stay hanging on the cross but that he rose again. There is more to it. Praise the Lord!

And then last week, I know the Lord was communicating to me, that although following him comes at a cost, he is faithful when we obey him. He showed me countless times in his Word that he loves us and provides for us.

I know this. So why worry?

I wish I didn't. But I still worry.

I think the worst part for me is that at this point in time there doesn't seem to be a "right" answer. God has not clearly spoken to us that we need to stay here or that we need to go back "home," wherever that is. I don't deal well with those gray areas, where there is no right or wrong. And I just want to do the right thing. But what is that?

As I know so many of you are, continue to pray for us. The school needs to know in January what our plans are, and we were hoping for ourselves to make a decision by Christmas. And that is right around the corner. Again, pray that we would "believe and not doubt" (James 1:6) as we make this decision.

Thanks for letting me get those thoughts out. :)