Monday, January 19, 2009

highs and lows

Everyone has highs and lows, right? I hope so or else there is something wrong with me. I don't have drastic swings from one to the other, just experience many ups and downs in daily life. I am grateful that the Lord understands me and understands my needs during each of those times.

I think one of the biggest lows is when I don't have my expectations met. I once told someone years ago that I didn't have any expectations on a certain "project" we were doing. They told me that I was wrong, that everyone has expectations. Most of the time I don't realize I had an expectation for something until I feel really good or disappointed after something to let me know that I expected something to turn out differently. I know that sentence doesn't make much sense, but it's not often until after the event or whatever occurs that I realize that I did have expectations.

Today has been a day of setting really low expectations for myself, I think in part because I didn't want to be disappointed in myself for not achieving more. Someone had asked me to help them with a project they were working on. I didn't feel confident doing it and had expressed this to this person a dozen or more times. They said if I even understood any of it that it would be a help to them. After they came over at 7:30 and me working for about 2 hours on this project alone, I was able to do the entire thing and was so pleased to report to this person at our meeting at 11:00 that I was able to help them! High.

In between the meetings with that person at 7:30 and 11:00 this morning, I had to take care of our car and all of the paperwork that needed to be renewed with that. Attila helped me with that. My honest expectation was that we wouldn't get the car back until tomorrow. I find out that due to the emissions testing and other stuff, we won't get it back until at least Wednesday. That's not the end of the world, but thinking ahead to dance class and getting a babysitter tomorrow, well, that messes that up. I didn't have a car at all last year, and now it seems like a big deal that I won't have the car for three days. I'm disappointed in myself for not thinking big picture. It's not a big deal Kristen. Low.

I offered Attila some money for helping us out, at least some gas money for driving me to take care of car stuff. He said no way. I argued back. He said that if I gave him any money that he would never help me again. I conceded. The person who I helped with the project wanted to pay me for helping. I said no. She said yes. I argued back, and until the next time, I won. Next time I'm going to say, "If you give me any money, I won't help you again." Low and High.

I have another meeting after school today. Things go well. Get lots done. I feel I am able to use my skills as a detail-oriented person to help the junior class in getting ready for the basketball tournament. Bonus, the person I meet with is also helping with Kim's baby shower we are doing on Saturday. Get a few more details of that worked out. High.

Another meeting at 6:30. My mind is a soggy mush at this point in time, mainly distracted by everything I need to get done by Saturday and no longer having a car to do some of the things I HAVE to do. My mind is not focused on the important task at hand. Lots of big picture talk. I don't do well with big pictures. I am a details person. I feel like after an hour I wasn't a bit of help and didn't get anything accomplished. Low.

I could go on about several other highs and lows, but alas, I only have a list of fifteen things that I need to work on right now. I'd rather end my day on a high note by getting something done.


Audrey said...

I love you, Kristen. You have so much on your plate right now, but you will get through it all with style. For now, I'm praying in an odd way that just popped into my head: may the same Jesus who said, "Peace, be still," to mighty waves that were instantly calm rule in your heart and steady your ups and downs.

Stefanie said...

I laughed and cried within the same ten minutes yesterday- high and low. :)