I have a renewed sense of independence these days. I am a very independent person, and last year not having a car, not speaking the language, not knowing where anything was... well, that definitely killed "independent Kristen." (Any Seinfeld lovers out there?!) I was always relying on someone else to help in some form or another. It's not that I have a problem asking for help, it's that I was ALWAYS having to ask for help and not able to do anything on my own. I felt so helpless all the time. I felt like I was always using someone.
A couple weeks ago when I was at the grocery store, I ran into another mom while I was checking out. She waved and said hello as she passed. This week I ran into her at school, and she asked how in the world I was at that grocery store in the middle of the day. I told her that we now had a car (Thank you very much to the Nickles!), and she said it must make a world of difference now. Everyone told me we'd need a car, and had we not had Seth, I really don't think we would have gotten one. Maybe we would have, but I guess we'll never know! As they say, "having a baby changes everything."
Several people have said the "I told you so" to me about needing a car. What these people don't realize is that the Hungary of now is different than the Hungary I knew 6 years ago and drastically different than the Hungary I knew 10 years ago. What I thought was necessary was based on my previous experiences here, not on what people are doing currently. I am continually learning. I always told my students that we should be life long learners. If they could see me now!
So as I gain independence and confidence, I feel another part of me coming alive once again. I still get nervous when I try my limited Hungarian, but I at least try and don't automatically back away. I don't get nervous about driving anymore. I have learned by trial and error in these last couple months. I'm not afraid to take those risks, although they definitely don't always work out. I am having fun discoveries new places, new roads, new ways to get from one place to another. I am especially having fun discovering new stores that have fun things to offer for someone like me. I can only handle so much IKEA.
There are still areas of my life that I struggle with here, but then on a day like today, the Lord provided exactly what I needed in one area in particular. Why he chose to bring me such a blessing today, well, I don't know. I know he loves me, but I often feel that there are much bigger things out there that he should care about and spend his time on other than my insignificant struggle. Yet he still knows and cares. He still provides. Thank you, Jesus!
Off on another adventure...